I can't breathe out the right side of my face
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize