Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
