The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
