Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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