Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
