Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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