so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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