I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
