I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
