Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
