My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
