Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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