He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
