and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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