I wish I only lived at night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
