you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
