he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
