I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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