Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
