when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
