Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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