I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
