it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
