I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
