nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
