Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
