the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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