we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
