Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
