Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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