the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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