I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
