If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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