Moan for me like Helen Keller
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
