Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
