How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it's great music for shaving your balls
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
