Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
