I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
