Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
