Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
