please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
