Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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