I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just had sex on a roof
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When are your genitals available?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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