I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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