Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
