There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
