I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
