i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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