is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
