What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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