my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
