What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize