Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
