She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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