i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
