i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
