if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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