i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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