The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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