Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize