I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
